In which I fail to discover the name of a bodily function, and try to name it myself
So there we were—my girlfriend, her roommate and I—having just finished a meal of slow-cooked pork, egg noodles and root vegetables, when the roommate did that thing. You know... kind of like a single hiccup? An involuntary inhalation of air that happens after you've eaten a big meal, and usually sounds like you gasping the word "HUP"? And for some reason you feel compelled to excuse yourself, as you would after belching?
"What makes us do that?" I said to them. "And what is it called?"
Well, after spending hours searching the Internet, not only did I fail to find either an explanation or a name for the phenomenon, but, as far as I can tell, no one has even written about it. IN THE HISTORY OF MAN. How is that possible? You know what I'm talking about, right?
When Googling something like this, all roads lead to hiccups. So let's talk about them first. A hiccup, according to Uncle Wikipedia, is a spasm of the diaphragm that causes you to sharply inhale, until your glottis flaps shut. It's scientific name is singultus. (In case you enjoy bodily functions but hate crass language, you should also know the words sternutation [sneezing] and eructation [burping]. You can find the scientific names of all the effluvia here.)
Also? According to Wikipedia the Guinness World Record for the longest bout of hiccups gies to Charles Osborne, an Iowan who hiccuped constantly from 1922 to 1990. Sixty. Eight. Years. Of. Hiccups. I can't believe he didn't shoot himself in the face.
I spent much of the time googling various combinations of the words involuntarily, inhalation, gasp, after eating, ate too much, etc. One of the weirder things I came across was a detailed refutation of the aquatic ape theory (or hypothesis, which he abbreviates as the AAH/T). Since the sixties, apparently, there's been a hypothesis among certain, uh, thinkers that the only thing that explains the divergence of human anatomy from that of the other primates is a more aquatic past. I don't quite understand what that more aquatic past would consist of. Like Waterworld, but with cavemen?
Not that I have that many readers at this point, but readers? I need your help. Do you know anything about this phenomenon? Is there a name for it even, say, among your group of friends? While you work on that, I'll try to ask people in that world outside the Internet. My girlfriend says there are people called "doctors" who might be answer this question.
Until I hear a better name, I hereby dub it hupping. As in, "I was so full I hupped, like, four times."
"What makes us do that?" I said to them. "And what is it called?"
Well, after spending hours searching the Internet, not only did I fail to find either an explanation or a name for the phenomenon, but, as far as I can tell, no one has even written about it. IN THE HISTORY OF MAN. How is that possible? You know what I'm talking about, right?
When Googling something like this, all roads lead to hiccups. So let's talk about them first. A hiccup, according to Uncle Wikipedia, is a spasm of the diaphragm that causes you to sharply inhale, until your glottis flaps shut. It's scientific name is singultus. (In case you enjoy bodily functions but hate crass language, you should also know the words sternutation [sneezing] and eructation [burping]. You can find the scientific names of all the effluvia here.)
Also? According to Wikipedia the Guinness World Record for the longest bout of hiccups gies to Charles Osborne, an Iowan who hiccuped constantly from 1922 to 1990. Sixty. Eight. Years. Of. Hiccups. I can't believe he didn't shoot himself in the face.
I spent much of the time googling various combinations of the words involuntarily, inhalation, gasp, after eating, ate too much, etc. One of the weirder things I came across was a detailed refutation of the aquatic ape theory (or hypothesis, which he abbreviates as the AAH/T). Since the sixties, apparently, there's been a hypothesis among certain, uh, thinkers that the only thing that explains the divergence of human anatomy from that of the other primates is a more aquatic past. I don't quite understand what that more aquatic past would consist of. Like Waterworld, but with cavemen?
Not that I have that many readers at this point, but readers? I need your help. Do you know anything about this phenomenon? Is there a name for it even, say, among your group of friends? While you work on that, I'll try to ask people in that world outside the Internet. My girlfriend says there are people called "doctors" who might be answer this question.
Until I hear a better name, I hereby dub it hupping. As in, "I was so full I hupped, like, four times."
Labels: bodily functions, evolution, hiccups
posted by Jeff S. at 5:18 PM
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